Archive for the Uncategorized Category

On Raising Young Men

Posted in Uncategorized on June 21, 2015 by dougautenrieth

It’s Father’s Day. A little over two and a half years into this journey, my most important observation on raising a son is that the key ingredients to raising this future young man are love and affection. Other elements have to be in the mix, too, like solid routines to create habits, standards, boundaries, accountability for the simple basics he has shown me he can handle already, a good dose of humor, and he needs to see me consistently demonstrating love and respect for his mother. He needs all of these for reasons that are irrelevant to him right now, but will make all the difference for him… someday.

As a Marine Corps veteran and kung fu teacher, I’m often asked if he’s training yet. Everyone thinks my training – his training – is all about fighting techniques. That’s actually not my primary concern. Teaching a male to develop his sense of aggression is about as difficult as asking a regular sulfur match to ignite. Strike it once or twice and it’ll burn, no problem. So, no, the development of fighting skill or physical aggression are low on my priorities list.

The first order of business is teaching him by my own modeling how to be affectionate, respectful, and gentle. How can he truly understand aggression and violence if he doesn’t first understand love and kindness? To answer the question I’m often asked, “Is he training yet?” Yes, he’s training. Of course, he’s training. I know that a day of training we miss is a day we never get back. We play hard and he moves a lot. His motor skills and sense of balance are taking off and his muscles are developing, but at this stage and in our home none of it is about fighting technique. He tumbles and he gets up and dusts himself off. I’m there to pick him up if he needs it and to make sure he doesn’t do entirely too much damage in the interest of discovery.

But most importantly, the man-child experiences being loved 24/7. It’s about piggy back rides and lap time in papa’s chair to read our favorite books; those groggy first minutes of the day and those sleepy last ones before the covers go on; respectful communication with everyone we come into contact with; the gentle and respectful treatment of our animals. He knows I believe he is capable of anything and that I’m proud of him every step of the way.

If the need or desire ever arises for him to choose the warrior’s path, he’ll have all the resources he needs. The foundation will be in place. Once he understands love, he’ll have no problem understanding having something – or someone – worth protecting.

Happy Father’s Day. If you’re raising young men, don’t overthink it and for God’s sake, don’t think you need to induce suffering to “toughen them up.” Life will do plenty of that. Just love ‘em and then don’t hold them back when they get into the rough stuff. They’ll figure out everything else as they go.

Advertisements

The Awake State

Posted in Uncategorized on June 18, 2015 by dougautenrieth

I am often working with students in the kung fu school on the state of being Awake. This is an internal skill that develops over time while the student is working on developing the external physical skills of whatever style they may be practicing.

The Awake state is probably somewhere between serenity, rage, and terror. If you were to draw it as a Venn Diagram with three overlapping circles representing those emotional states, you would want to be in the center. (A young Charles Xavier describes this very well to an also young Eric Magnus Lehnsherr, AKA Magneto, in X-Men: First Class and here’s a clip from YouTube… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7aEn7p4yhg )   Other emotions could be added to the diagram like Acceptance (of what is,) Curiosity, Willingness, Compassion, etc., but I think the essential point is that too calm is too calm.

Too angry is too angry. Too fearful is too fearful. Even too compassionate is too compassionate. We do need some edge, especially in the fighting disciplines. But I think this concept applies to any task requiring effort, particularly during critical moments. Clutch situations require us to access everything we know, everything we feel, and sometimes even things that we don’t know intellectually or feel emotionally or physically. In these cases, access to our intuition may make the difference between success or failure, life or death.  The clutch moment requires us to be fully awake; fully human.

On human potential

Posted in Uncategorized on May 25, 2015 by dougautenrieth

Today is Memorial Day. We remember those who have paid the ultimate price to secure our freedoms. One of the things I love about our system and the structure of rights and responsibilities it creates is the opportunity we are provided to grow into the best possible versions of ourselves. Not that it’s easy. Not that we are absolved of the need to work. In fact, quite the contrary. Today and every day, go out and live your life. Pursue your interests and your passions – not just to make money or to simply have fun, but because the drive to grow, achieve, and enjoy will provide you with the greatest crucible you could ever design. A few who have gone on before spent all of their potential to buy time for the many who remained and for all of us who came after them. If you’ve ever wanted to thank someone who has passed from this earth in your service, LIVE WELL. It is the greatest form of gratitude. If you’ve lost someone who was close to you, it is the best revenge. Live. Enjoy. Become. And today, remember.